Floatie

n.

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A menacing, floating unit of excrement usually encountered on overpopulated beaches. Often floaties can be detected before being perceived visually, through use of the other senses. If threatening background orchestra music (e.g. dum dum, dum dum) can be heard and people start fleeing the water in great number; exit quick-fast as there just may be a floatie lurking about, waiting to get you!

Let Lawrence Muck translate it to posh English for you
Lawrence Muck

Oh, hello! I didn't see you come in. Would you like me to translate 'Floatie' in use for you?

Do exit the water with haste, there may be a floating stool lurking about!